Monday, November 08, 2004

The long drive

I arrived in my English Literature class today to discover that the teacher had bought us pizza from the Pizza Hut. When I walked in, he asked if I would go to the restaurant and pick up the delivery. I was eager to do so. Incidentally, Jennifer was sitting behind me and asked if she could go. It sounded good to me, so we went out to my car and drove to the Pizza Hut in Juno.

When we got to the car, the first thing we talked about was the disappointing election results. I still have my Kerry/Edwards sign in the back seat. She calls herself a “Liberal Independent”, but not of the Ralph Nader variety. She was 100 % behind the Democratic ticket.
After making a wrong turn (Stupid me!!!), I found the Pizza Hut. The pizza still had a few minutes left. We walked over to the Subway and I bought her a soda. Apparently, she did not like the bottled sodas that were sold at Pizza Hut. Finally, the food was ready and we walked back to the car.

This is when a few uncomfortable things began to unfold. I made the mistake of having my CD case in my front seat. While I was organizing the pizza, she began to go through my music. Those of you who know me can attest to the fact that I have some odd CD’s in that case. I’m not too ashamed of the Bruce Springsteen, Jimmy Buffett, and U2. I would defend them to the grave. But it gets a little worrisome when the Michelle Branch, Kelly Clarkson, and Phil Collins are revealed. I really should get rid of Phil Collins’s “Testify”. I downloaded it more as a joke than anything. She started asking me about the Dixie Chicks. I do have four of their CD’s.

I do have some cool songs, but they are mostly in my mix CD’s. Looking through the full CD’s I own, I can admit that there are some embarrassing ones. I got real worried when she finally got to my Garth Brooks CD’s. I don’t listen to him much anymore. Most of them are from five years ago. I quickly backtracked and uncomfortably revealed that I was once a big country fan. To my surprise, or perhaps horror, she put the Garth Brooks CD into the player. As I drove down US1, she started singing the lyrics to all these old Garth Brooks songs. I laughed to keep from crying. Although I do know a lot of Garth Brooks lyrics myself, I’ve never felt compelled to start singing his songs in my car.

Well, I’m still confused as ever. I’m wondering if I might have missed a chance to make some sort of move. Ideally, it would have been a good time to at least give a hint of some sort of interest. So many times, I felt like floating some sign out there. I should have said something like, “You know, if you’re up to it, I just purchased six bottles of Jack Daniels Tennessee Whiskey and I’m looking for someone to share with.” Seriously, I could have been like, “I don’t know if you’re busy this weekend, but maybe we could get together and do something.” If she wasn’t interested, at least I would have known and been able to put this out of my system. I feel like this was the kind of opportunity that I should have been able to capitalize on.

I wish I could get a better read on people. If I knew what people were thinking, I’d be $75 up on poker winnings. But alas, I have a difficult time judging what other people are thinking. Today, more than anything, I leave myself with this question. “What were you thinking?” I have an opportunity to take some sort of initiative, yet leave with more questions and few answers.

For my reader or two out there, thanks for taking the time to read these musings. I’ve tried to limit their frequency.

I will end by saying that, in the next week or so, I plan to finally muster up enough courage and face the acceptance or rejection that may occur.



Blogger Eric Cioffoletti said...

Jennifer ASKED if she could go with you! I mean, I think that's a pretty good sign that she AT LEAST wants to just be your friend. You really can't hurt yourself too badly at this point by asking for her number in all seriousness. There's no way she would be rude or anything to you even if she's not interested (which I doubt by the way.)

Good luck! And I don't mind reading these.

November 9, 2004 at 4:48 PM  
Blogger tsias said...

My guess is that she wanted to come to get out of class. Not to say that the scenario you presented is wrong, but it's hard to tell. It was sort of spontaneous. The professor asked if I wanted to drive. I accepted. A few seconds later she asked if she could come along. It does me no good to overanalyze it.

I'll probably write a more detailed post in the next day or so. I, like a lot of people, have insecurities that need to be worked through.

November 9, 2004 at 7:37 PM  

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