Sunday, July 18, 2004

Random thoughts about romantic relationships

Tonight, I’ll continue with my amateurish observations about matters of the heart and/or sex. For the time being, I want to refrain from engaging in long-winded jeremiads that so often are written on this subject. This is actually one issue where reader input is more important than my original posting. Considering my abysmal success rate in such affairs, maybe I am not the best person to take advice from. Nevertheless, here are some random musings that may or may not be based in reality.
1)      It is best to stay away from the really hot girls. Unless you yourself are a very handsome and debonair gentleman, the probability of any success is slim. I do not mean to engage in any undue stereotyping. I’m sure there are many women with supermodel good looks that are easy to relate to. My best bet is to focus on girls of the more “cute” variety. I am usually hesitant of those girls who flaunt their sexuality. The more attractive girls, IMO, are those who don’t realize how good-looking they actually are.
2)      Sexual expectations are often very confusing, especially for those individuals who might be deemed as inexperienced. I’ve noticed this with a lot of people whom I’ve spoken with. Mind you, I do not usually talk to guys who could be called “players”. I’m talking about young men who are actually in the relationship for more than the momentary sexual jollies. It’s very confusing and I still have not figured it out. At what point is the obligatory first kiss due? When is the proper time to engage in more serious sexual acts? I’m not even sure if there is some set scale to base it on.
3)      Initial impressions are often hard to get past. I’ll use myself as an example. From a distance, many people might see me as a quiet and introverted person. To an extent this is true. The most difficult thing for me is to make the initial contact. I have a hard time making the small talk that is necessary to take interactions to a more serious height. Typically, I’m able to be more open and relaxed after the initial conversation. A lot of this probably stems from self-confidence issues, which is another topic altogether.
4)      Sometimes it seems that romantic relationships are not worth the hassle. I am fairly content with the way things are. Things are going well in school, as I am only a few years away from earning my degree. I have enough hobbies and interests to keep me from getting bored. There’s always the “24” and “OLTL” reruns to pass the time. There’s nothing better than being in a relationship where you are totally comfortable with the other person. In time, I guess that’s the ultimate goal. Getting to that point is a bit tougher.
This has been my brief contribution for today. I realize that much of what I wrote today were merely inarticulate ramblings. Like I said earlier, my opinions are that of a relatively inexperienced participant in the game of love. Maybe someone with more polished credentials could tell me where I am going wrong.


Blogger Eric Cioffoletti said...

I feel for you here. About your #1 point, Zach tells me this isn't always the case in that hot girls are actually sometimes very needy since ALL guys are intimidated by them. Of course, I tend to agree with you myself about the fact that girls who don't know they're cute are much better.

I'm no authority but I've been several dates with two different women in my lifetime. The idea of me being an "authority" is laughable. But I have two ideas you might want to explore.

1. It seems to me you are overthinking things. Social interaction always starts to work better for me when I just relax and "do" as oppose to "analyze" before every action I take. I know it's easier said then done. Either you're outgoing or you're not.

2. You're only 20 years old. This is hardly the time to push the panic button though it might seem like everyone else is already in double digits in how many relationships they've had. You'll never be a "player" probably and a casual sex lifestyle is a ship that has probably sailed. But who cares? You probably wouldn't enjoy that stuff anyway. I think one day you'll meet that special girl and when you do, previous sexual expirience is far less likely to matter to her than it would if you were going around just trying to get laid with hot chicks.

3. Enjoy life. Enjoy what you have and try not to think about what you don't. Enjoy the freedom of not being tied down by a relationship.

I've put serious thought into my comments for you tonight. Hope they helped you. The goal is to be optimistic I think at this point. Life is good! :) And good luck with obtaining your goals. I'll be rooting for you.

July 18, 2004 at 2:54 AM  
Blogger tsias said...

I forgot to make note of one important comment. I know they say "opposites attract". I won't necessarily argue the validity of that statement. However, I think it's important to find someone with whom you share at least one common interest. For me, that would be sports or politics. One of my biggest concerns is that time in a conversation when neither party knows what to say. I'm certainly not suggesting using these subjects to replace genuine emotional exchange. It's just good to have something to fall back on when the conversation lulls.

July 18, 2004 at 4:33 AM  

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