Saturday, November 27, 2004

Poker Night at Taylor's House 2004

Tonight, Eric, Zach, and I had hoped to play a quiet game with Eric's dad. Unfortunately, Eric's Dad was tired, so we needed to find one or two extra players. I recruited my step-brother Tim, while Eric called an old friend named "Postal Paul". He's called postal because he allegedly builds bombs.

It took a while to get everyone together. It wasn't until 10:00 that I got Tim over to my house. At first, everything seemed okay. Tim was playing aggressively, yet found a way to follow the rules. Paul was a little slow at picking up the bidding, but I figured he'd get better with time.

I made the BIG mistake of bringing out the 1.75 L bottle of Jack Daniel's Tennessee Whiskey. I took one sip and nearly got violently ill ten minutes later. That was it for me and Jack tonight. For some reason, I kept the bottle out near the table. Slowly but surely, the bottle began to evaporate.

Paul was unable to pick up the game. Eric later noted that we would have been better served placing a scarecrow in Paul's chair. At least a scarecrow wouldn't have drank my booze. For about 40 straight hands, all Paul did was either check or fold. I don't know whether he simply had the worst luck of any poker player in history, or whether he had no clue how to bid. Paul was the first out of five players to exit the game.

Tim began to act real strange as the game entered its second hour. He showed blatant disregard for the rules by continuing to raise the big blind immediately. In Texas hold 'em, two players put a blind to start a hand. They can raise it, but only after everyone else has made their decision. Tim was not treating the chips properly and began throwing them indiscriminately. It made a mockery of the whole night. He would do things like show his cards to only one person on the table.

His personal interactions were even more suspect. First off, he kept on insulting his girlfriend, Loren. It stemmed from the fact that she called him a few minutes later than he would have liked. He started using vulgarity and calling her a "cunt". Tim wanted to invite over Loren's friend Jackie (see post entries from mid-July) and probably have sex with her. One funny moment was when Tim told Loren, "There five cocks over here that need to be sucked", or something to that extent.

Then Tim kept on getting phone calls from who I suspect was his drug dealer. Tim was literally offering the shirt off his back for some Xanax and Ecstasy. Tim even offered up four of his gold chains. You didn't have to be an expert in drug lingo to understand that he was interested in buying. Honestly, I'm glad the deal didn't go down in our driveway. We could have gotten in serious trouble. Frankly, I'm relieved that Tim left without more shit going down.

Tim ended up winning the game. He offered me a $15/10 split of the $25 pot. I accepted, thinking that there was no way I could come back. When it came to counting the money, Tim reneged on his deal and took a $20/5 split. It was unfair considering I paid for his cigarrettes and he drank 1/4 of my bottle of Jack Daniel's Tennessee Whiskey.

My Mom came home a little later and we had a minor dispute. She wanted to take Tim home, while I felt it was best for me to handle it myself. Eventually, she took him home and everything appears to be alright. I don't think Tim will ever be welcome in this house if he's been drinking.

The tragedy of tonight was Jack's loss of innocence. I used to think that he only serviced the finest among us. I was repulsed watching Jack work his magic with such hooligans. Jack really is no better than the average George Dickel or Evan Williams. When it comes right down to it, Jack is as big a whore as any liquor. I watched in agony as the bottle diminished by the moment. I estimate that more than 1/2 of the 1.75 L bottle was consumed. Eric and I hardly had any. Fortunately, I've worked out a deal to get another bottle to replace the fallen comrade.

Tonight was an upsetting night to say the least. I was genuinely angry at what transpired. All I wanted was to have a nice, quiet game of poker. I feel bad that Eric and Zach were forced to witness this abortion of an event. Tim wasn't being mean, but he was too drunk to act rationally. I worry that he's on too many different drugs. If he's not careful, Tim could end up getting seriously hurt. Well, that's for Loren and his Dad to worry about.

I am working on picking up the pieces from a very upsetting evening. I'll be lucky if I can recover 390 of the 400 chips we began the night with. I should be able to replace the wasted Jack by tomorrow.

Tomorrow night should be better. I know Eric is coming over to watch the boxing fights. Zach will likely end up coming if we cajole him enough. I could really use to drink some JD after tonight's fiasco.

Finally, here's what I learned from tonight. #1, never let Tim come near me when he's been drinking liquor. Tim is volatile enough sober. #2, never bring out that large a bottle of JD. In a way, I'm happy this occured. After tonight's debacle, I will never show such a bottle to anyone outside my very close circle of friends. #3, don't allow a poker game to get that out of hand. I believe Tim should have been ejected and had his money returned. His blatant disrespect for poker rules was an embarrassment to even Postal Paul.

A sincere sorry to anyone who was affected by this unfortunate happening. I realize that I got a little angry tonight. Believe me, it was not directed at any one person. More than anything, I was angry at myself for being so stupid and facilitating the events that took place. I've settled down a bit and am ready to sleep until at least noon. I take solace in the fact that tomorrow night will be much more relaxing. I want to enjoy one last moment from this Thanksgiving holiday and hopefully deem it a success.

We'll do better poker over Christmas. I'm sure we can find one or two reputable people to join us.



Blogger Eric Cioffoletti said...

This was just an insane night. I won't bother to comment further on it. You've said it all.

Don't worry about us. Zach and I have seen this kind of thing before.

November 27, 2004 at 4:42 PM  

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