Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Study date with Jennifer

Honestly, I’m hesitant to post this today. I only make this public because some people have given me prudent advice and they deserve the right to know how things transpire.

I talked to her on the telephone for about 20 minutes yesterday. While it might break the bank on my cell phone minutes, it was worth the investment. We planned to meet and study after class today.

Things went kind of weird today. The short story is that there was an awkward moment for me and no formal proposition was made. The more detailed account is more interesting and revealing.

She was hungry, so we decided to grab some pizza at a nearby restaurant. I felt the pizza was mediocre. She liked it, therefore I didn’t complain. Things seemed to be going well at the time. Maybe I should have been a bit more outgoing, but I felt I handled myself well. I followed the advice I was given and tried to learn more about her on a personal level.

We went back to PBCC shortly thereafter to go over some note cards in preparation for Wednesday’s written evaluation. At that point, something happened that caught me off-guard and had me feeling mildly uncomfortable. Out of nowhere, she began talking about how lonely she felt. This was an opportunity that a seasoned pro would have bounced on. Being the relative novice that I am, I tried to respond yet should have been warmer.

The study session got cut short before it even began. I noticed she was feeling nervous and fidgety, judging by the fact that she opined, “I’m feeling nervous and fidgety.” For the life of me, I can’t figure out why things seemed to go downhill so quickly. I don’t think I said or did anything too creepy. I know she has been feeling sick. She told me that she had a headache. While that might be true, I can’t help but think she was blowing me off.

I realized that I was dealing with someone very similar to Jessica Burke, an infamous character from high school days at Dwyer. Jennifer appears to mirror Jessica in many ways, except for the fact that Jennifer is more benevolent and lacks the lust for power that Jessica held. Jennifer seems like someone who has lost themselves in endless years of club and SGA participation. The vision I had was one of the young girl in Kelly Clarkson’s music video “Breakaway”. I think Jennifer needs to stop working towards perfection and learn to enjoy herself more. In fact, my psychological recommendation is one to two shots, three times a week, of Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Whiskey or a Kentucky bourbon substitute.

Today was an hour of contradiction. I didn’t notice the body language of someone who really liked me. On the other hand, the fact that we talked extensively yesterday and today has to mean something. For my part, I might not have displayed signs of interest either. I follow the old axiom, “keep it simple stupid.” I try to do my best not to do anything that screws things up entirely. But I could have come off as bored or uninterested. It’s all part of my problem of not warming up to people quickly. I feel very nervous and hesitant.

Now is the time to reassess what happened today and move forward appropriately. I plan to see if she wants to do lunch again Wednesday. If she agrees, I will finally go in, make myself vulnerable, and make a move. If she doesn’t want to, or refuses to show any interest, I’m calling it a day.



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